A Thoughtful Gay Man Series: The Work of Togetherness


The Work of Togetherness is the first thoughtful video series and one of many I hope to release. They are reflections, ponderings, and a pouring out of my own heart and mind. May each viewer receive these videos as ideas to chew on and discuss with others. My ultimate hope is that these videos are conversations starters for gay men. An opening for us to discuss more thoughtfully with one another.

Part 1: Drawn to Togetherness: Community is a word often thrown around carelessly among gay men and the larger LGBTQ community. At the end of the day, what I hear from people is that they desire togetherness. I know that’s something I desire. That warm sense of welcome, hospitality, and compassion with my gay brothers. Togetherness is an act. It’s action. It’s doing. It’s work. It’s about creating the community we want to see rather than just expecting it to happen on its own. Enjoy!


Part 2: Listening To One Another’s Stories: Let’s face it. You have a story. I have a story. When you put together all of the moments of our lives, we can see how and why we think the way we do. Specific encounters and conversations shaped who we are today. In the Work of Togetherness, it’s so important for we as gay men to listen to one another’s stories. There are too many instances when we don’t actually hear what our gay brothers are saying. This is especially present when listening to our gay brothers who have face discrimination at the hands of other gay men. My hope is that we may let our defensiveness down and begin to listen with open hearts. That in listening, we can learn to stand with our gay brothers, day in and day out.

Part 3: Letting Down Our Guard: There is both risk and reward when we let down our guard with one another. As gay men, just about all of us have been burned by one another in some way. That causes us to draw back, go within, and isolate ourselves. It’s exhausting having your guard up all of the time. It takes effort. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be that way. One of my goals of The Thoughtful Gay Man is to create spaces where gay men can let down their guard and really share their heart with other gay men. May each of us be courageous enough to show our raw, authentic, true selves.

Part 4: Learning to Forgive One Another: Ask just about any gay man and you’ll be able to hear a story of being hurt by another gay man. Maybe it was directly, in the midst of a verbal exchange, or something more distance, such as an article read on the Internet. Either way, we’ve hurt one another. If we’re being honest, all of us have been on both sides of the coin. My hope is that we will press into the tough and rewarding path of forgiveness. Think about your own life: What hurts are you holding onto? Who are you having a tough time forgiving? Forgiveness is by no means an easy task, but it is truly a path to inner and outer freedom and peace.

Written by

Josh Hersh

Josh Hersh, life coach and entrepreneur, works alongside thoughtful gay men to help them craft a life bursting with joy, love, and purpose. He also works with time-starved freelancers and solopreneurs to boost productivity and grow their business. He founded The Thoughtful Gay Man, whose mission is to create a world where every gay man lives empowered and from the heart. He currently lives in Chicago with his boyfriend, Sergio.