The End and Beginning of an Era

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It’s been about a decade.

The past 10 years, in some ways, feel like an eternity.  In many ways, I feel older than 26.

Realizing I was attracted to men at a young age.  Fighting against my sexuality.  Hearing messages from culture and religion that something was wrong with me.  Working through that mess.  Having highs and lows.  Successes and failures.

I’ve got to do so many things over the past 10 years: work on a presidential campaign, attend and graduate from college, start my own business, and work in the nation’s capital.

I’ve had the blessing of a supportive, loving family and loyal friends that were there for me.

But throughout it all, the nagging voice has been there: the you’re not good enough whisper.  The self-hatred, the lack of compassion for myself.  The constant anxiety, fear of failure, and addiction to perfection.  That frantic scramble to do better, do more, do it all now.

I don’t know exactly what it was.  The meditation I did this past weekend.  The book I started reading.  God.  Or simply the end and beginning of an era.

It’s difficult to put it into words, but a new day has begun.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself.  I feel that I’m having compassion toward myself.  I feel at peace.  It’s such a foreign feeling to be genuinely at peace.  Nothing surpasses the feeling of looking in the mirror and saying, “I really like you. You’re doing great.”  And actually believing it!

It’s been a decade of working things out.  Today, I am more confident than ever of what I want to do.

I want to spend the next ten, twenty, thirty plus years helping other people find freedom from self-hatred, anxiety, chronic worry, letting perfectionism rule their lives.  I want to be there for people who are their biggest critic.  Who can’t seem to shake those feelings of worthlessness.

Everyone deserves to find that inner love and that inner peace.  I know the deep pain that it causes.  I’ve felt it for far too long.

I don’t know what the path will look like, but I know my direction.  I know people are hurting and deeply wounded.  I want to be that voice of comfort, of encouragement, of direction.  A new day is underway.  I couldn’t be more hopeful.

10 Tips For Using Twitter On Your Book Tour

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I’m not a publicist.  I’ve never worked for a publishing company.

But I love to tweet and I find book tours fascinating!  Using Twitter to promote your book during a book tour is a no brainer.  Here are some ways you can maximize the buzz:

1. Pick a hashtag to use through the duration of your book tour.  Something short, sweet, and close to your book title if possible.  Use this hashtag every time you tweet!

2. When you’re speaking before an audience, encourage them to Tweet during your talk. It may seem a little uncomfortable at first, but this is a great way to let others spread the word for you! Plug your personal twitter handle and hashtag at the beginning and end of your talk.

3. Here’s a little incentive for your audience: Ask people to tweet your Twitter handle and hashtag. Give away a free copy of your book at the end of the talk.

4. Think about the 10 most influential people on in the next city you visit that are on
Twitter. Reach out to them a week or two before and ask them to tweet. Provide them
links to blog, FB, interviews.  Ask, ask, ask.  People are more often than not excited to help you out.  Don’t be afraid to ask.

5. Be sure to respond to people when they tweet to you!

6. Thank bloggers and other media outlets via Twitter before and after you are interviewed.  Take a second to look up their Twitter handle. They will appreciate it and be likely to help you out in the future.

7. Tweet quotes from your book. People love to retweet quotes.

8. Make a list of supportive groups to reach out to.  Think about the core demographic that is interested in your book.  Make a proactive effort to reach out to them on Twitter.

9. LIVE tweet.  Recruit a person you trust to snap a view shots during your talk or while you’re signing books.  These are perfect for posting on your Facebook page or blog!

10. Signage — People should know your Twitter handle and tour hashtag like they know your book title.  Post it in several places — for all to see!!

 

How Your Mind Kills Creativity

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Create first, then edit (if needed).

Being so calculating kills creativity.

The moment I think, “I’m writing this blog post to express my thought leadership or to position myself as an expert”, my creativity goes out the window.

Can there be creativity with such motive?

The more I strategize and calculate my next move, the harder it is for my creative voice to emerge.

I want to practice the art of letting it flow.  The filter that exists between my brain and the keyboard is obnoxious.  It’s dictating too much and scrapping words that want to be written.

I want to opt for verbal word vomit first and tidy things up on the second, third, or fourth time around.  The mind is bossy, for sure.  Don’t let it snuff out your creativity.

Doing the Things That Do Us Good

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On Saturday I made the trek to the Zen Life & Meditation Center in Oak Park for a “Day of Mindfulness”, a one day retreat that included both seated and walking meditation.

There was a tightening in my chest that had been there for awhile now and I figured some silence and meditation might help.  The day was a delicate reminder of the need to do the things each day that do me good.

That might look different for everyone, but I’m continuing to learn what my body and mind needs to stay healthy.

Silence, accompanied with steady breathing, does wonders for my psyche.  It’s so easy to get myself worked up into a frenzy over work, relationships, and worrying about the future. Taking time to be still helps to focus on the present moment.

The day made me think of the other things that I am doing or have done in the past that make me feel good: eating a plant-based diet, exercising (which I’ve neglected for too long!), and genuinely creating space to unplug.

Another tidbit that I was reminded of during the retreat was the need to be gentle toward myself.  This message has been surfacing in different places and from different people for the past few weeks.  It’s a message I continue to need to hear.

To take it easy on myself.  To give myself a break.  To celebrate the person that I am.  To love myself for exactly who I am.

Are there any daily practices or routines that you have to keep your mind or body in a healthy place?

Your Twenties: The Decade of Angst?

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I feel it in my chest.

I’m somewhat of a chronic worrier, but the more I talk to other twentysomethings, the more I get this impression.

Your twenties are the decade of angst.

Angst about that first job.  Angst about where to live.  Angst about relationships or lack thereof.  Angst about employment, unemployment, and student loans.

Angst about the trajectory of your life, the transience of your friends, and defining your place in this world.

I feel it in my chest.  Although I consider myself lucky, having been employed and being able to keep my business afloat for as long as I have in this economy.  Having fantastic clients has made all the difference in the world.  But growth is my focus this year.

I’m nearing 27 and my angst feels stronger than ever.  Thirty is just around the corner.

I’m not sure what my passion is and I have the inclination every other day to move to the pacific Northwest or some remote area to start a retreat center for peace and tranquility.  As far as I can get from the constant harassment of social networks and e-mail addiction.

I feel frantic to do something big.  The pressure is on.  It’s perhaps coming from within.  It seems to all come back to what is the purpose of life and what to do with our time on Earth.  You know, those easy questions we all ponder.

Perhaps angst is inevitable with all of the possibilities that come our way in our twenties.

Forty, fifty, sixty year olds, what do you say?  Us twentysomethings could use some guidance.